It Shouldn’t Happen to a Male Stripper

Tales of the Trade Aug 3,
2009

roadwarrior BY NICK MOLLOY
Read more in Road Warrior:
Confessions of a Male Stripper

The world of the male stripper – glitz, glamour, fame, wealth, celebrity. It
is often assumed that all the above terms apply to male strippers but in reality
none of them actually do. More adept descriptions would be toilets (common
changing areas), heckling, abuse, long drives, eye openers and sex.
Being a male stripper is sometimes a bit like being a celebrity with none of
the protective mechanisms. Male strippers drive themselves and carry their own
bags. They get heckled and adored in equal measure. My phone number is widely
available (how else would prospective people book me), but this means I get an
array of weirdoes phoning me up at strange hours. Some I have met on my travels,
others I have never even heard of. Unlike genuine celebrities, the male stripper
is accessible. You can book him, talk to him, touch him and harass him at
anytime.
If the male stripper should spurn the advances of a catalogue of wishful
suitors he must be prepared to pay the consequences. In the case of agents/drag
queens, this may mean you don’t receive future calls about potential work. In
the case of Joe/Joanne Public this may mean that they will launch into a tirade
against you. The male stripper is unlike any other variety act because other
acts sell purely on their entertainment value. The male stripper by contrast
also sells sex (appeal). This unfortunately leads to disappointment and bruised
egos when he doesn’t go home with everybody. The
DJ/hypnotist/singer/ventriloquist isn’t expected to go home with the audience.
The male stripper on the other hand is expected to do just that from a
surprisingly high proportion of his fan base. If he does engage in carnal acts
with any member of the audience then he can expect mass hostility from those
that remain. After all, she is bound to brag about what she just did with the
stripper. Trust me, I know.
During my time as a male stripper I have seen things that most people
probably never will. If they did they would probably classify them as bizarre,
mad, or downright depraved. For example, after performing in a gay club once
there was a man in a sling in the corner of the room having a traffic cone
inserted into a part of his anatomy where the sun doesn’t shine. His eyes
weren’t even watering ! Another time, in a gay club I emerged from my changing
area to find four women queuing politely all waiting to do the wild thing with
my alter ego. Being British they were terribly civil about the whole thing, each
waiting their turn. Another time at a private house party, I was led by my
dangly bits from the room by the birthday girl. On the encouragement of her
husband I was led upstairs so that I might use the said dangly bits on the
birthday girl! Yet another time I ended dispensing advice to three blow job
virgins in their living room. The male stripper was a good person to practice
on.
The life of the male stripper is poorly remunerated but it is never dull.
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