Can Sex workers have “genuine” relationships? by Jessie Abraham 2009

Recently a friend of mine needed to prove to immigration that her
relationship was genuine- now that happens all the time – but imagine
if you were also honest about your employment and your employment was
genuine, your relationship was genuine and you have to now “prove” that
being a sex worker and having a loving and meaningful relationship can
exist- no he/she is NOT a client or was a client and even if you met
them as a client- its no one else’s business really.

Immigration seem to be worried and wanting to know that you’re not
marrying your husband/ wife from another country for money, travel, or
any other beneficial reason other then love- yes pure love.

Men can love whores. Women can love whore. Trans can love whores. Men
can be totally head over heels in love with a whore- I’ve seen it with
my own eyes! Yes! Even if she/he has sex with other men/women for

Allot of men love whores because they can be the most compassionate
people on this earth- they also can be empowered, independent, not
clingy or needy, don’t ask you for money since they have their own, are
open and experimental in bed so you don’t get bored, some are funny,
considerate, have amazing life experiences and stories to tell, have
travelled the world or the country and have great negotiation skills,
life skills, survival skills, communication skills, some are great at
time management and boundaries- sex workers became fantastic with
switching hats or rather wigs in this case. – did I mention that most
sex workers are really comfy with being naked?? yup a partner that has
body confidence-SCORE!

Most Sex workers are intutive, perceptive, protective, supportive,
encouraging, helpful, caring, home loving, ( or hotel hating!) devoted
and dependable, imaginatie, sensitive, self reliant, Compassionate and
nicer than EVERYONE ELSE…. lol ok … thats actually what a magnet
says tht cancerians are.. and I’m a cancerian and I believe all of
that… but it’s also how I think of many of the sex workers I know. (
I know know ALLOT!)

Sex work is simply acting and you need to know what to say to when and
you need to lie outta your teeth sometimes in the bedroom “Yes!!! that
feels WHORE-SUM- I’m going to have a WHORE-GASM” – actually no I can’t
feel your tiny thin pecker at all, but it’s better than a huge 10 inch
cock knocking my cervix into my ribs- it’s not actually about me- it’s
about you and the $300 sitting in the corner that you paid me that will
pay my rent/ my childrens school fees or that pretty dress I saw on the
way here”

Just because we are sex worker doesn’t been we don’t know how to give
and receive love. I used to think that I’m “too complex, too HARD to
love” I didn’t even want anyone else to “ feel burdened about my lust,
my craziness, my lifestyle, and what to actually do if you have fallen
in love with a sex worker” or “it’s just too complicated” with these
thoughts brought on toxic relationships one after another- I didn’t
feel deserving of love- that wan’t because I was a whore- it’s because
I was hanging around with losers! I didn’t really give myself a good
chance to experience what real love was all about. But TRUST and
HONESTLY is incredibly important in any relationship, let alone a
relationship that involves a sex worker.

What is love? Well since its 2009 I googled the question what is love and showed me this answer:

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable
feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited
conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different
feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to
the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love to the
profound oneness or devotion of religious love Love in its various
forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and,
owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most
common themes in the creative arts.

In other words: do they make your tummy dance when you receive a text message from them?

Do you spend time day dreaming about the future with them?

Do they make you smile and make you feel good about yourself?

Do they take the time to spend time with you and communicate their wants, needs and feelings when they do spend time with you?

What does it mean when your boyfriend/ girlfriends/ transfriend is
actually ok with your work- some people would say “How can you “let
her/him” do it?” Because clearly your partner loves you FOR YOU and
understands it’s simply a job like any other job.

Sex workers are the most compassionate and empathetic humans on earth!
Why do you think that so many nurses are sex workers and the high
number of sex workers that also are qualified to work with people with
disabilities/ elderly ? Like myself, I’ve been told time and time again
when I was paraplegic care worker, “I was special, only a special
person could do that job- you know dealing all those bodily functions
and needing ALLOT of patience”

So why the hell has not ONE person said that to me about being a sex worker? Not anyone can be a sex worker you know!

Sex workers make wonderful partners, if you don’t like the norm, like
to be kept on your toes, if you like giving and receiving massages,
have open minded sex, maybe since they are very good at boundaries you
may be lucky to do the things that “other” partners won’t do- but one
thing I can guarantee – ummm well since sex workers are all different
types of people I can’t think of something I can guarantee- other than
you will have the time of your life and even simply knowing a sex
worker and understand their work and life choices WILL make you a
better person 🙂

So the verdict is…. Yes Immigration crew- past and present Sex
workers can give and receive love and also be fab souls xx Also they
can be amazing long term partners, mothers and fathers and aunty and

Jessie Abraham 2009

Jessica Yee
Director, Native Youth Sexual Health Network
Chair, First Nations, Inuit, Métis Committee, Canadians for Choice


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